kerlip

adalah pendar tutur lagumu
yang kuikuti diam-diam
seperti kepik merah totol hitam
berhinggapan dari bunga melati
kuning labu dan matahari

adalah pendar tutur dongengmu
yang kukagumi diam-diam
seperti kunang-kunang kemerlip
mengedip genit memberi asa
pada malam berdegup resah

lihat, berkilauan air danau
tersiram bulan waktu malam
menari-nari gemintangan
mengikuti lagumu yang terdengar
jauh, jauh sampai hatiku berdebar

adalah itu dan semuanya
menggelembungi kau dan aku
terduduk manis terlibat embun pagi
kembali menanti kepik merah totol hitam
berhinggapan pada bunga melati

*by me and dearest Sindy

piknik setelah hujan

kupu-kupu menjadi jenuh,
katamu, berulang
kata ulang berulang-ulang

yang kau tak tahu,
bunga-bunga terompet kuning
--yang memainkan parade rahasia,
menggantikan gemuruh gendang,
di tanah, di sekeliling kau,
yang lelap dan celemotan
dengan arbei biru--
tidak gugur dari pohonnya

namun rasaku yang meluap.

Pandora

one-button-eyed teddy halted her
fuzzy pink bunny caused a stir
raggedy ann parted from rag-andy
cornered her and tried to offer candy

really, we all have tried our best
the retired fool even tried to, well, jest
united, we fought and sent SOS through the static
each and every one of us, broken toys in the attic

even the sandman with a hole on his bag
used up his very last drop, that poor ol' rag
we're sorry, but there is nothing we can do
for we have stalled while she was waiting for you

poor girl, she thought it was the pirate's chest
filled with treasures, pretty dresses and zest
but now the demon has come back to claim
a part of her that you can never, ever, tame

[14 oct 09 - 3.31 pm]

don't rush to the other side, dear
so cold, it'll burn you down
the monster will swallow the stars whole
and even the moon will turn pale

don't forget to remember, dear
we have our own demon to fight
the unstoppable we keep stalling
for the sake of the secret in the attic
broken toys of midnight and twilight

and yes, we will always be
running out of time, dear

come, shush, not too loud, dear
hide the chuckles beneath the whisper
come, let's dissolve in the pixie dusts
dance to the orchestra of ghosts
shush, not too loud, not too loud,

come back into the blanket, dear
[May, 2009]

jangan lupa
di awal kita juga
anak-anak berlarian
berlomba ke ayunan
kau meniup balon merah dan aku melepasnya ke angkasa
mencuri-curi detik berlari dari monster besar yang akan menangkap kalau kita melewatinya
berbisik rahasia dan tertawa dan bermain kata dan belajar merasa
melanggar aturan bersembunyi di balik bayangan dan tertawa rahasia
dikejar-kejar monster bulat bertangan dua dan berkaki satu yang berlari selalu
bernyanyi berdansa berputar-putar berputar-putar
tersenyum malu berjingkat pelan
ssst, jangan sampai ketauan
larilarilarilarilarilarilari
lari
bergandengan.


tertawa terengah-engah
aku mohon padamu, hentikan monsternya!
kalahkan! kalahkan! kalahkan! walau memang percuma
kau acungkan kepalan tinju dan menantangnya maju
"jagoanku," aku di belakangmu
larilarilarilarilarilarilari dan di balik bayangan bersembunyi lagi
kita aman di sini
terengah-engahterengah-engah
kau tiup lagi balon merah
tiup sampai begitu besar dan kita masuk ke dalamnya terbang melihat dunia berwarna karet mulur merah tipis
kita aman di sini

jangan lupa
kita,
anak-anak berlarian nakal
menyanyikan mantera memutari api unggun
menyalakan kembang api menjaga pendar-pendar menemani kunang-kunang
menemani bintang-bintang

jangan lupa
dan walau kita tersesat
jangan lupa
dan tercerai dalam gelap
jangan lupa
lelatu itu tak pernah mati
jangan lupa
lelatu itu hanya kita simpan
jangan lupa
kita juga anak-anak
berlarian senang dengan kembang api

[yesterdays]

my shoes

it's beyond caring,
it's beyond telling the truth
it is just pure spite.

selagi kalian sibuk mengepak gembira di luar
--menganyam di antara bunga--
jangan lupa akan sayapku

perbaiki dan bawa aku pergi dari sini

Psst.
Tiup. Tiup. Tiup.
Tiupsampaibegitubesarkitabisatinggaldidalamnya.

Terbang. Terbang. Terbang.
Terbangjauhentahkemanamelambaikesemuadibawah.

Tiup. Tiup. Tiup.
Tiupsampaibegitubesarkitabisamencintadidalamnya.
Psst.




PS. Ingat balon merah bergambar dora darimu? Kita bisa pakai itu.

you did it to the scribble
that i assume is my heart

when the only thing
that you're allowed
to break is my fall

which you always
almost do, it seems
but never really do
at all.

pinky swear

i've outgrown the stupid things
i did for high school crushes,
i haven't outgrown the butterflies
i get from the drops of their names,

i see you've outgrown the scarf
you used to use as a belt around your waist,
but you haven't outgrown the quirks
put them all on and call it stylish,

people have outgrown their teen angst,
the depression, the suicidal thoughts
they haven't, however, done the same
to the cigarettes, and the late-night vodka

so maybe we've outgrown our neverland
the photo booth, the yellow car game,
the dancing around in the middle of
a quiet bookstore, whichever--

but i'm crossing my fingers,
just so it'll never be us.
ever.

disillusioned.

you said never.
and i don't have
that much anyway.
so until next time,




i'm taking this back with me.

time bomb.

it's ticking
and it's going to explode

soon, i will be pieces

with some of them gone

--which you steal

and some will bleed

and one will be dead

again.

despair in pink

i keep your shrine,
wearing rosy-colored,
heart-shaped glasses.
psychotic, people say.

oh well.

i think it's love.

gray

this melting lump inside the head
tells that i forget
the attached bleeding part
beats that i don't



So who's lying?

i have nothing
left to stall and
you are no longer
welcome in my sleep
because it's too much
to wake up
and kill myself
with your songs
over and over

and over and

over and


over.

heartbroken.

i'm in pain not because
i can't find you
but simply because
i squint my eyes
—million faces and
denied tears hazing—
and then realize,
that i'm still looking.

i'm not supposed to have this.

smeared all over
barely alive
and just might be,

broken.

new kid on the blog

turn that frown upside down

optimistic

ready to jump?
*lost without you [s. fretwell]

secret and ambiguity

i don't want you to go
and maybe be happier
because i like it when
we are alone together

falling asleep simultaneously
something inside isn't right
but no longer afraid to die
you say it'll be alright

comfortably sitting in silence
trying not to think out loud
because you read my mind
and i'm scared you'd find out

i don't want a big deal
let's just dance to the song
and maybe like that time before
again, i just might be wrong

leave it on

i dreamed about you
i thought the light was off
sparks from the plug
house on fire
and my heart sank

simple as that.